


Chapter Twenty-Seven: Hand on Heart

by CavalierConvoy



Series: MTMTE Series One: Shoot Straight with a Crooked Gun [28]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers Generation One, Transformers Generation Two, Transformers: Beast Machines, Transformers: Beast Wars
Genre: Gen, Hacking, Investigations, Other, Past Violence, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, References to Addiction, Theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 06:32:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3559670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CavalierConvoy/pseuds/CavalierConvoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Artemis learns that whoever took Red Alert's books had used an administrative code to get to them, but before she can leave medibay, Ratchet dares to ask the question: What does it take to capture a Warworld?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chapter Twenty-Seven: Hand on Heart

The importance of nothing, your own bleak conclusion  
illusions an answer, but never the healer  
and crippled in silence, the stretch of a lifetime  
the power to hold me, your pleasure to gain  
it's a dicey situation I have found myself in  
["Hand on Heart"](https://youtu.be/Vp24HIPG2Fk) by Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, from _Talk About The Weather_  
  


Medibay  
_Lost Light  
_ Now

There were few symptoms more unnerving than that of the thousand metre stare. The unseeing, glazed expression of soldiers who had seen too much, in search of the next target, the autopilot of an insomniac.

Artemis sat on the slab, knees drawn to her chest, gaze unmoving from a spot on the far wall. First Aid opted to sit with her, coaxing her to talk.

"She's going to be all right, right?" Rodimus questioned as he and Ratchet observed the interaction from outside the room. "What happened? I didn't know she even had a berserk button!"

Ratchet gave his captain a withering glare. "She was under your command on Autobot City for three stels and you didn't once notice that she's about as stable as uranium-235?"

"We generally viewed her as 'sarcastic and quirky', but now that you mention it, anyone brave enough to prank Magnus couldn't be firing all eight cylinders...."

"Knock off the jokes!" Ratchet pointed a finger at the young captain's nose. "We already had Max flip out, and look what happened there! I don't want that to happen again."

"Wait, are you saying — "

"I don't know what trauma she's gone through, when or where, but it's there. It doesn't help that our psychiatrist has been out of commission, which means she's been burying it with self-destructive violence and engex, and I really shouldn't be reminding you that's not a good combination."

"Hey, I just came in to check in on her to see if she was okay!"

"Short answer: no, she's not." Ratchet exhaled. "Any other questions?"

"So fix her!" a voice exclaimed from the vent above their heads.

Ratchet pointed upward, angry optics never leaving the young captain's face. "And do something about that!"

"Might as well come down here, Cav," Rodimus ordered. "Ratchet doesn't appreciate skulkers."

"I am not —" she pulled away the vent and dropped down from her hiding place. "—a skulker! And why can't you fix her?" This, she directed to the chief medical officer. 

"Has anyone ever told you about respect?" Ratchet snapped.

"Right back atcha, Gramps!" Cavalier snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "So why can't you fix her?"

"Because it's not a physical fix. And don't call me 'Gramps'!"

Cavalier made a "pfft!" sound. "Yeah, whatev." She took a step to walk past Ratchet; he grabbed her by the elbow.

"You've been her companion during the Legion conflict," he stated. "What happened to her during that time?"

"She captured a Warworld. What did you do?"

"I'm not interested in what she did — you know, forget it. Why do I even bother getting information out of Nyonians? If it doesn't catch your immediate attention for longer than five clicks...." Without waiting for a reply or retort, he stormed past them, waving his hand towards the entrance as to dismiss them. 

"Hey, what about Art?" Cavalier demanded; this time, Rodimus clapped a hand on her shoulder.

"Probably medical stuff we don't understand," he stated, issuing one of his patented 'everything's golden' smiles, which usually translated into the situation was anything but. "She'll be back on her feet in no time."

"Why can't he understand?" She snarled as they left the medibay. "She captured a Warworld. Doesn't he understand what that costs?"

Rodimus's smile dropped. "Maybe not the way we do," he admitted.

 

*

 

"Has she responded?" Ratchet demanded. 

First Aid shook his head. "Not productively, but — "

"Because you're not asking the right questions, First Aid," Artemis muttered, never deviating from her stare. "I can't answer what I don't know."

"Let me guess," Ratchet walked into her field of vision. "You don't know how you feel."

"I feel empty," she answered. "A spent bullet casing. How's that for an acceptable answer?"

"It's a start."

"You can't expand on 'nothing', Doc." Her gaze dropped to the ground. "There's a hole and it can't be filled. Is that what you want to hear?"

Ratchet exhaled, in part in frustration. "I told the scraplet I can only fix the physical damage. Where do you want to go from here? Do you want to stay this way, drifting from bottle to battle and back again, with no other purpose?"

"What's the difference between purpose and function?" She questioned in monotone. 

Ratchet waved away the question; he doubted its purpose other than rhetoric. "You know what I think is a waste of time? Saving those who don't want to be saved. Because you're not just fighting the physical ailment, but you're also facing their despondency. They've given up even though you haven't. And that can be a stronger factor than all the medical science available. But you know what? I don't think you're at that point. You want to be saved. You want to prove me wrong."

"How do you figure?" she asked, again without emotion.

Ratchet pointed to the cracked wall and the damaged equipment trolley leaning against it. "Because you're still fighting a war to win."

She averted her optics, fists clenched atop her knees. "Look, Ratchet, I'm trying — "

"You're not the first who had a hard time transitioning to civilian life," Ratchet interrupted. "I've treated mechs in worse shape than you, which, despite my sunny disposition on the matter, means I got hope for you, but there's just so much I can do to help. You gotta help yourself." He scoffed. "Listen to me, I sound like a fraggin' self-help pamphlet."

"Thank you, Ratchet," she whispered. "I mean it."

"Yeah, well just remember that it's my good graces that I allow your friend to visit after that stunt he pulled earlier. You up to talking to him?"

She lifted her head, gazing through the observation window to the main room, where Trailcutter was discussing something with Ambulon.

"I take that as a 'yes'." Standing, Ratchet approached the door. "Better make certain he's not carrying again." 

_Was I really that obvious?_ She had been better at guarding her emotions, but — 

_— but we're no longer at war._

And she needed a friend.

After Ratchet gave his approval, Trailcutter was granted entry to her room, but with bad news: there was no sign of Red's books. In fact, someone had gone through her 'pad and erased both her citations and the mind-map file. "I talked to Magnus about it," he continued, holding up a hand to halt her protest. "I figured he'd be the only one you'd trust in this matter, other than, for some Primus-forsaken reason, Cavalier."

"I can trust her for anything that's requiring subterfuge. But Magnus?" She slid off the slab, standing to recalibrate her equilibrium; Trailcutter stood as well, maintaining a distance so to catch her if she toppled. 

"Well, the fact you were investigating off-duty is beside the point; theft and tampering with evidence secured by official personnel is a serious offence."

"So's a crooked badge, but continue."

"Whoever stole the books and went through your 'pad had to have done it while you were in here. I asked Ambulon about your effects, and he showed me the locker where they were stored. Everything was done by protocol, but we found out that someone accessed the locker using an administrative override when everyone was occupied. Not only that, the camera's data files were erased. Mainframe and Cav are trying to recover them, but whoever did this was thorough." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I pulled Cav aside and asked her if she she ... erm ... secured ... the books. I also asked her to look at your 'pad. Again, accessed with an administrative override, and done from the 'pad, not remotely, which rules out Cav's involvement. By the way, guess what she downloaded onto my 'pad."

 _Good girl._ "Get that map file to Magnus any way other than the usual channels. My 'pad's compromised, and likely so's yours. Big Three, Comms, and who else would have the admin override?"

"Red? Hard telling."

"Did you tell this part to Magnus?"

"I wanted to wait to tell you first, since he'd be a person of interest if there was an admin override involved."

She was about to ascertain Magnus's innocence, but chided herself for allowing personal feelings get in the way. "What about Garrus-9 does someone not want us to know?" Artemis paced, keeping her gaze on her feet. 

"Cav also said that they were accessed by the same code, all admin; something about the program doing the work, and would go with whatever the last passcode used was. I don't pretend to understand her when she goes into technobabble. And not to derail the topic, but can I ask what the equipment trolley do to you?"

"It got in my way during a panic attack." She gave the offending cart a kick. "Did she say anything about my 'pad?"

"It was accessed legitimately from the device itself. Didn't look like anything else was touched, so rest assured, your drunk-texts to your ex were untouched."

She gave him a warning glare before sticking her head out of the door, a hand clutching the jamb for balance. "Oi, Doc, can I discharge myself now? I need to talk to Magnus about stolen property!"

Ratchet slammed a datapad down on his desk. "If I do, will you stop calling me 'Doc'? Dammit, Trail-whatever-the-hell-you-go-by-now, don't think I didn't see that!" Grabbing a probe, he stormed out of his office. Taking Artemis by the upper arm, he led her back to the slab, where he indicated her to sit. "I'd like to get to the bottom of this as well; no one steals under my watch." He snapped on the light on the probe and shined it into her optics. "For the record, I'd normally yell at you for conducting an investigation from a hospital ward, but I'm starting to figure you out." He snapped off the probe. "Optic reaction is back to normal. How's your equilibrium?"

"Better," she admitted.

"All right, I'll discharge you, on one condition: answer a question."

She cocked her head to one side, inviting him further.

"What does it take," he questioned, "to capture a Warworld?"

The thousand-metre stare returned, her expression dying. Her mouth opened, closed. Then she bowed her head. "A slag-tonne of betrayal," she muttered, "the willingness to risk everything — your crew, your spark, everything — and desperation."

"Then why do it?"

"I answered your one question," she reminded.

Ratchet pressed his lips together in a grim line before nodding. "Fine. I don't want to see you in my 'bay for at least two decacycles unless I call you in, understood?"

She did not look up, but agreed with a nod.

"Get out of here," The CMO flicked a thumb out of the room. "I want to talk to your friend — alone."

"I'll catch up with you later," Trailcutter cuffed her shoulder as she passed; Artemis mirrored the gesture, before pulling away, exiting the room.

Ratchet slammed the door as soon as she cleared the jamb, then crossed his arms over his chest. "Tell me your friendship goes beyond drowning yourselves in engex."

"Of course it does!" he protested, offended.

"So I can trust you not to enable her if the situation arises?"

"Absolutely!"

Ratchet brought his face, nose to nose, close to the larger 'bot. "Good. Because if she comes back from Hedonia in a stupor, I'm taking it out of your shell. And remember, it's never a matter of 'if'." His use of air-quotes was deliberate, daring Trailcutter to mock them. "You all come under my knife one way or another. Understood?"

"Y-yes sir!"

"Good. I'm glad we've clarified our situation. You're dismissed."

 

*

 

Artemis heard her roommate singing from down the hall; Cavalier singing meant good news; the louder, the better.

 _"'You're on a different road, I'm in the Milky Way. You want me down on Earth, but I am up in space!'"_

The Minibot had two modes of non-vehicular movement: crawling through tight spaces noiselessly, and taking up entire corridors large enough for Devastator to tango with Omega Supreme with a half-step-half-dance, blaring her favourite tunes, primarily from Earth. 

Often with the latter, she would sing along.

She was also tone-deaf. 

"Someone's in a good mood," Artemis grinned. Cavalier cut off, her music still audible, and bolted to her friend, optics large. 

"Hey! You're out!" she exclaimed. "Did 'Cutter tell you what he was suppose to tell you?"

"Yeah, so pretty much we don't know who did it, just that someone happened upon an admin passcode."

"Okay, so question for you," Cavalier fell into step with the larger mech, "should I bring this up to Rod and Drift? Like, tell them that I think one of their passcodes were compromised? Not tell them why, just that I found some questionable content floating abouts?"

Artemis shook her head, keeping her voice low. "Can't afford risking our ace in the hole. We're taking a chance involving Magnus as it is. Let me throw this out: would you be able to trace access if this happens again?"

"I'm already monitoring yours and 'Cutter's 'pads, if that's what you mean. Anyone accessing it remotely will trip the monitor. Figured you'd like to catch whoever's doing this in the act, but if you want Opinion by Cav? This was their big push, and they're gonna lie low for a bit, at least until you guys stumble upon something juicy again."

"Get a copy of the mind-map to Magnus, off the grid, and keep monitoring the details. Whoever did this didn't take you into consideration."

"Which is why I think a passcode got compromised. Rod knows me too well, and he and Drift are tight. Next time someone logs it, I'll know where and when. But from where I'm standing, if I had an admin passcode and just used it to lift evidence from Impactor's spiritual successor, I'd be getting the frag off ship A-S-A-fraggin'-P."

Artemis arched a brow. "'Impactor's'—"

"Not now, boss lady, I'm on a roll. So yeah, whoever did this? Amateur. Total. Covering only the surface tracks. We'll get him. But yeah! More important! Shore leave! First order of business: acquire a karaoke machine!" Cavalier cheered. "I am so freaking excited! _Ciao!_ " She ran off, resuming her singing.

Artemis watched the Minibot disappear around a corner, before resuming her trek to Magnus's office, knocking twice on the door before entering. Magnus was out of his chair and rounding his desk by the time the door closed behind her. That ... was unusual.

He stopped just outside arms' length of her. "First of all, conducting an investigation while under medical rest is not advisable. Second, involving team members to conduct such investigations in the stead of said person under medical rest is in contradiction of their duties, impeding on their own itinerary. Third, attempting an unproven method of treatment for addiction without the direct advisement of a medical professional is dangerous and should not be attempted. Finally," he sighed. "I apologise for speaking out of turn. It was the wrong thing to say, and I did not take into consideration your past history with —"

"We're cool, soldier. I know why you said it, and you were right. But I should have been thinking straighter. It's been...rough...since Autobot City. Things changed, with both of us. I just got some demons." She met his gaze. "But back to the investigation. I found two items of interest in Red's quarters, two books. I labelled them under my citation for the warrant you issued to me, just before my ... episode. The next thing I know, they're missing and someone went through my 'pad to erase the citation. I've only been able to figure out one thing: something about Garrus-9."

"A lot happened on Garrus-9," Magnus answered; there was a minute tremor in his voice. "What else have you found?"

He was more interested than upset. Good. "I found a manifest of the ship, right down to starting crew, additions, starting weight distribution, handwritten notes in the margins. I did not have a chance to decipher it. Also with the manifest was a hard copy of _The Complete Works of Fisitron_. There were handwritten notes within it as well. I was able to get into Red's terminal, which was not connected to the ship's intranet — no surprise there. There had been a mind-map pertaining to G-9. I couldn't decipher it before I took a nosedive into a wall."

"What happened?" Magnus questioned.

"Withdrawal symptom — "

"I meant what happened during the Legion Conflict?" he corrected. "What changed you?"

She huffed what was supposed to be a laugh but came out as a grunt. "War, soldier. I found myself playing warden for the one person I wanted dead, and I wasn't allowed to kill him. I was used all over again and I allowed it, because it was the only way I could see how we could get out of the mess we got in with Maximo. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what was going on around me, and, that moment of despair, I thought I was finished. And unlike that time when you found me outside of Autobot City, I had no one to stop me, but no means to end it, which is the only way I survived. I just wanted the pain to end." She unclenched her hands; they were too tight. "And then it was over. We won. And Cybertron was restored. And...I couldn't celebrate. I just needed to dull the pain." She stepped back. "That's just paraphrased, mind."

"You're a fighter," he stated, "not a soldier. I understand there's a difference. Which is why you went mercenary."

"I went mercenary because my cover was close to blown." She retorted. "And seeing it took a leaked document to get the Autobots to even begin to trust me again, I wasn't going to go immediately to the doorstep of those who threw me to the turbofoxes in the first place — how I felt then. Not now. Now I know what happened. Still didn't help the second wave. It had been shorter, but just seemed all the more worse."

"I...am under orders by our chief medical officer not to give advice to you or anyone regarding past experiences and trauma." 

"Yeah, but you're not yelling at me, either. Which is a plus."

"I'm certain you've heard about the shore leave scheduled?"

"How could I not? Between Whirl and Cavalier telling me about it in rapid detail...."

"Maybe you should come as well."

"Only if I'm medically cleared to." She was on the defencive. 

"You were on the list supplied to Rodimus for shore leave. Ratchet updated it fifteen cycles ago."

"Oh." She darted her gaze away, wincing as she realised she had lost the stare down. "Well, I haven't really had time to get my taste of landfall — "

"Swerve informs me that we will have fun. Whatever that means."

"Wait — you're going too?"

"I'm under medical orders to go planet side and ... relax."

"Well." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I guess we've got a date."

"Tomorrow, ship's morning, we leave for Hedonia's port — "

"Ah, soldier, sometimes I forget how literal you are." She mustered a smile. "Sorry for unloading both barrels on you."

"I asked." He took hold of her shoulder, a brief contact, before bringing his hand back to his side. "Anything else?"

"No, sir," she shook her head.

"One more matter on my end: I'll take over on the situation surrounding Red Alert's attempted suicide. Garrus-9 was my responsibility in the end. If he was looking for something regarding it, I should take responsibility for that as well. You're dismissed."

That ... was new. He was wasting no time.

_When Magnus gets involved, slag gets done right, and gets done fast._

"Thank you." She turned on her heel and exited the office.

 

NEXT CHAPTER: The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Cavalier is singing ["I Love It"](https://youtu.be/UxxajLWwzqY) by Icona Pop, featuring Charli XCX. It was the working song to the chapter, but changed when it took a darker tone.


End file.
